Our Angel

It is with a very heavy, and sad heart we report that we have an angel. Our miracle baby is now our guardian angel. My HCG levels were increasing in a week all looked well at first however my blood work on Friday showed a significant drop from 185 to 90...this miracle will not make it.

Once implantation occurs, the pregnancy hormone HCG will develop and begin to rise. This is the hormone that signals on a pregnancy test that you are pregnant. HCG can be detected through one of 2 different types of blood test or through a urine test. A quantitative blood test measures the exact amount of HCG in the blood and a qualitative HCG blood test gives a simple yes or no answer to whether you are pregnant or not.

Doctors will often use the quantitative test if they are closely monitoring the development of a pregnancy. After implantation occurs, the hormone will begin to rise and should increase every 48-72 hours for the next several weeks.


My stats were:
12/1 Beta #1 70
12/3 Beta # 2 119 70% Increase
12/5 Beta # 3 185 55% Increase
12/7 Beta # 4 90 Decrease the pregnancy will not continue to thrive, miscarriage is inevitable.


We are going to get thru this the best we know how, and we realize in the end we will be stronger a loss of child is unbearable, it's not a blessing as some may see it to be, and to us this child was meant to be. Thank you to our friends who have been a huge help by keeping me company, and taking my mind off things, letting us be sad, and for just being there.

Thank you all for your words of support and kindness, it is truly appreciated, and words can and will never express how much!

Christmas Miracle

We had our First Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET) on 11/23/07. We transferred two beautiful blastocysts. Well everyone...it's finally happened...our third attempt with....has been a success!! Our Christmas miracle has been given to us early....today we found out for sure that we are pregnant!

Baby Heck is on way his/her way and the estimated due date is 8/10/08 =0)

It's been a crazy, emotional, hard, enduring roller coaster, but has been so worth it!!! We thank you all for your support, love, prayers, and look forward to sharing this wonderful journey with you all =0) My level today is 70, so now we just look for it to double, and increase as it should.

I would die for that

I found this video on YouTube, and it's perfect for what Bob and I are going thru. The Song is "I Would Die For That" by Kellie Coffey...very touching, and moving song, and everyword is heartfelt for us.

Yet another friggin' BFN

Another failed cycle...unreal can't we just catch a break? Why does it seem we are being denied the family we so badly want? I know right now a big part of me is angry,and hurt right now, but for the love of god..what more do we need to do? How much more do we need to endure? Have we not sacraficed enough? We've basically walked to the edge of the earth and back, and for what?? Completely devastated again..no the pain isn't any better second time around..it's worse...

Thank you all again for your support...Bob and I appreciate it...

2 Beautiful Embabies transferred

What a great journey this IVF cycle has been. Aside from being very sore from the retreival everything has gone so smoothly. Today October 21st we went in for our transfer. We were told by the lab tech that we now had 6 eggs instead of 5. We transferred the two best lookings ones. They are a...

Grade A 8 cell embryo
Grade B 7 cell embryo

We are culturing 3 out to blastocyst stage, and they will be frozen for future cycles should this second attempt not work and/or we want to have more children.

Thank you so much everyone from the bottom of our hearts for your support. Some people ask, why would you share something so personal, with your friends, and family? Well....if our story helps one woman struggling with infertility, reassures her she's not alone, and provides a wealth of information, gives her hope and courage....well then I've done my part. No one should ever have to struggle with this, and it was from other women going thru the same thing that gave me strength and courage, and I just wanted to pass that same support on!

Thank you again everyone God Bless!

Fertilization Report #2 is in

Out of the 7 eggs that retreived, all 7 were mature. They ICSI'd all 7, and of that 7 we had 5 and maybe a 6th one fertilized! We are so very excited as this time things are very different from the last! Last time we only got 6 eggs, and only one fertilized.

We go in Sunday morning for a 3 day transfer, and will transfer the two of the best looking embryo's! =) The rest we will let go to Blast stage and freeze for future cycles should this one fail as well. Thanks everyone for being so supportive! It means so much to Bob and I!

Keeping our fingers crossed!!!

Thanks everyone!! We will update you all when we have things to update!

Retreival #2

Surgery was this morning at 9:00....we just got home around 2pm. Had some minor complications...low b/p, and major cramping after surgery. Dr. said she had to really dig at the ovaries, so she wasn't surprised I was in alot of pain after this retreival.

The last surgery in August I had little to no pain afterwards no issues...not so lucky this time. The good news however is this....

We retreived 7 eggs this time around vs. 6 the last time. Yay lucky number 7!!! Today is our one year "7" month wedding anniversary =0) Also, we were advised we would not be doing straight IVF this time. Some of you may recall that my RE tried to get ICSI approved, but we were told we needed less than 4 mature eggs...well we got it approved for this cycle...due to other factors that presented in today's surgery. We will get our fetilization report tommorrow.

ICSI For those of you who aren't familiar with IVF vs. ICSI. With IVF the sperm, and egg are just placed in a pietrie dish to "do their thing" together. With ICSI the best looking sperm is selected, and then injected directly into the egg, to give fertilization a nudge, or a lil push as they say.

Thanks everyone for the well wishes, and we are praying this is really our cycle!

For now I am just trying to get my pain under control, it is not fun! Every movement at the moment feels like someone is stabbing me! I can return to work tommorrow, I might not be up to my usual self, but I guess that is to be expected.We'll update ya'll when we know more cross your fingers all seven turn into Embies for us to transfer on Sunday =0)

Oh yeah and I should mention Bob gave up the interview of a lifetime today. He should have been interviewing Eric Clapton this morning, instead he was with me...now that is love! Our running joke is that if we do get pregnant, and if we have a girl we will name in Leila, or a boy Eric...

We go back to Baystate Thursday morning 8:00am for my 9:00 egg retreival surgery =0) Hopefully this time we will have lots of eggs to select from! I have responded remarkably well this time around of Stimming. So tonight at 9:00pm I'll do my HCG injection, which will hopefully be our last for the next few years! Wish us lots of luck we're going to need it, especially after how the last go around went! We'll go back in either Sunday the 21st or Tuesday the 23rd for a 3 day or 5 day embryo transfer. Last time we only had one embryo to transfer, and hopefully this time we'll have more!

Thanks everyone for your support and prayers, it really means alot to Bob and I =0) We'll keep you all updated as we go along!!

Bob's ESPN article

This is waaaaaaay to funny...Especially with the fact that we'll hopefully be pregnant by next month!

Here is the link to the entire article

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn
/page2/story?page=simmons/071011

The portion Bob made it into was the reader "Questions and/or Comment, Answers portion. Bob's comment made it into his column, with a nice long response. He showed me this morning and I was CRACKING up...we've had this discussion a million times for those that don't want to go to the article to read here is the relevant portion of the article. Gotta love Bob!!!!! =0)


Q: Here's my plan for my first kid. I have the entire 2004 Red Sox playoffs on DVD, as well as all the Patriots' Super Bowl DVD's. What if, instead of Dora and Barney, I prop my kid up in front of Tom and Papi? Hell, my kid may come into this world just before the NBA playoffs. What a way to start. This cannot fail; this will be revolutionary. All I need from you is a way to convince my wife this is a good idea.
--Bob, Pittsfield, Mass.

SG: Convince you? I'm beating you to it. There's no rhyme or reason to any of the shows aimed for kids under 18 months old. They have only one goal: to juggle as many weird colors, sights and sounds as possible to keep the kids' attention and eventually give them ADD.

For instance, our daughter went through a huge "Teletubbies" phase that ended only when we sent her to a Teletubbies rehab center. What are the Teletubbies, you ask? Multicolored, androgynous, possibly homicidal Muppets with speech impediments and farting problems who pop out of the ground after getting instructions from a smiling baby whose face has been superimposed on the sun, then jump around, wobble into each other and giggle for no reason. Twice per show, they break away from the Teletubbies to show a group of English kids learning from a female teacher named Debbie who has scary Austin Powers-type teeth. Then the show ends with the Tubbies popping back into the ground as the smiling sun baby grins in approval. That's the whole show.

So here's my question: If I'm going to overload my impressionable child with a show that inundates him or her with colors, weird sounds, strange noises and inexplicable movements, wouldn't a baseball or basketball game make just as much sense? Would I rather have my little boy dreaming of hanging out with Tinky Winky and Dispy ... or KG and Big Papi? Bob from Pittsfield, it's you and me. Let's do this.

This weekend is for me...

Most anyone that knows me, knows that Fall is my favorite season. I love the bright colors,the smell of the crisp fall air, the smell of woodstoves, pine needles, fresh baked pies. One of my favorite places to be during the peak of fall is in Vermont. My grandparents have a place in Arlington, and we take one day and spend it traveling up Route 7 all the way up to beyond Manchester. Country Shops, Candle Shops, and the beloved "Pumpkin Patch" I've been going here since well basically since I was born. It's a nice place that just screams fall! A big old display of Halloween characters made entirely of Pumpkins, and Scarecrows....and my favorite .....homemade Apple Cider and homemade Pumpkin Ice Cream. It's AWESOME! Bob has yet to go with me yet b/c he's busy with weddings this time of year, but by this time next year by we will have our little miracle he WILL be going..lol. My In Laws come into town Friday night, the guys are going golfing in the Matt Torra Tournament, and my Mother In Law, my bestfriend CarrieAnn and I leave early Saturday morning..We will drive to Arlington and pick up my gram and start out on our Country Fall Adventures. We are spending the day together..I cannot wait I need this day...I have been stressed out, and just blah, and I think this is going to be exactly what I need before going thru IVF 2. Maybe we'll even find a nice lil place to stop off and have some country wine =0) We'll be taking lots of pics so I will be sure to post when we get back probably not until Sunday =0) Saturday night all of us gals will head out for a dinner and drink back here in the Berkshires..so anyone who wants to join us is invited =0) Just send me a message and we'll figure out the details =0)

Happy Fall Everyone!!!

IVF #1 BFN

Bob and I want to first and foremost thank you all for your support & prayers. Unfortunately, we will not receive our miracle this time around. IVF 1 Failed......not even a registered beta...less than one...I don't even know what to say.... I am numb, and obviously sad. ..I just don't know how to process this right now...life is just unfair sometimes it really is......right now Bob and I need time to deal with this so please be understanding if you were waiting to hear from us over the phone and have not.....we apologize we are just trying to deal with this as best we can. Thank you again everyone!!!

P.S. We will be speaking with our Dr. on 9/12 and our next plan is ICSI which is a more agressive means of IVF.

We have a transferred Embryo =0)

We arrived at 11:00, and the nurses were so welcoming, and seemed excited. I guess that is their nature. Anyways we arrive, and at this point I am instructed to change, and take my 2nd vailum pill, and drink 8 ozs of water. I change, take the pill, and drink my water. We are then brought to our room where DH is handed a set of scrubs to put on over his clothes to go into the OR room with me. The Dr. doing the transfer came in and introduced herself, and my ultrasound tech came into the room and I was so happy to see a familiar face. Then our IVF nurse another familiar face yay even more comforting! So at this point was feelin really anxious, and away we were brought to our OR room. At this point I was advised the bed I was already on turns into a examination bed, and that I wouldn't have to move or anything. They brought my DH as stool to sit on next to me and he immediately started rubbing my arm, and I looked up and smiled at him. At this point the embryologist from the lab came into the room and advised us we had a beautfiul 6 cell Grade A to transfer, and it looked great. The u/s tech did a quick scan to make sure my ovaries were ok, they were swollen but not too bad. When the dr began with setting up for the transfer It was really uncomfortable b/c of my swollen ovaries. I started to cry but not weeping just couldn't help it b/c the pain was unbearable, only b/c of the speculum that was used. Once in place I was fine, and then we watched her place the embryo into my uterus. It was AMAZING..it was a lil sparkle, and our u/s tech gave us a picture of our lil bean in place. She said that they the sparkle is our embryo. The transfer procedure was actually a breeze was really quick. They wheeled me back our room, and I had to lay down for about 30 mins, then I was able to get up, go to the bathroom my poor bladder..lol get dressed and be discharged. I was instructed to go home, and take rest. I am downstairs on the couch right now watching DVD's and nesting, and when DH gets home later I'll journey upstairs. As my Nurse said earlier....we are pregnant until beta says otherwise! It's so weird to think about...I got on the 11th for our Beta. Stick lil bean stick

Bad Retrevial

Well I just don't know what to say or think....out of the 30-40 follies I had they were only able to get 6 eggs. Yes 6...I woke up to the nurse telling me that news and I just started to cry..I guess between all of the emotions, and hormones, and the disappointment of only getting 6 was alot to handle. I am home now and up in bed. I plan on going to work tomorrow even though right now I am very sore. The nurse told me I should totally let the emotions come out no matter how silly they may seem to others..and all I can really do right now is cry.

I Took my perc's a few mins ago..cramps were getting bad..so anyway we are most likely not going to have a 5 day transfer but a 3 day. Please pray we got a few great quality eggs out of that bunch. I can't help but think If I only had done this or If I had only done that..as in no wine a week ago...I dunno.. One of the things our RE did say was that she was wondering if the HCG dose I took wasn't enough. And that the "next" time if there is a next time I'll probably have to do 2 doses of the HCG injection. The other question I thought of on the way home was that they kept my Lupron does at 10 units, and never lowered it to 5 could that have played a role as Lupron is used to Supress ovulation. I am just numb inside I feel like I don't know what to think or how to feel. I am grateful and trying to keep in good spirits, but this was just a total shock to us to only get 6 out of all those follies. I am so crampy and a lil groggy so I am gonna hang out until DH gets back from the pharmacy.I dunno I am happy surgery is over but now really nervous about the eggs, and their quality.

Tuesday is Egg Retreival day

Tuesday is our Egg Retrevial day!!

I have to go in tommorrow Sunday morning for one final round of bloodwork, and an ultrasound. As of Friday things are looking beautiful. I have 16 follicles on both the right and the left ovaries. 9 are maturing on the left, and 12 on the right, all within a 12-15 mm range. They need to be 19-22mm for retrevial. I am a little uncomfortable right now, only b/c my ovaries are working so hard.

Transfer will be either a 3 or 5 day so that means either the Friday or Sunday of next week. We won't have any results until 11 days after transfer....It's almost all over I"ll feel much better once we get past 12 weeks of pregnancy and then it will all be real. Talk to everyone soon!

Day 11 of Stim Injections

Well I started on August 10th. I started with 10 units of Lupron which is used to supress ovulation. After going to my baseline appts on August 17th where an ultrasound was done, as well as blood work. I received a call from the Dr's office and was advised to go ahead and start stimming. YAY!!!! So Sunday was my first day mixing all of my medications into one syringe and giving the injection. I am have to mix Menopur, Lupron, and the Gonal-F Pen into one viale, and I do one injection. As opposed to some women who have to give the injection of Menopur, then the injection of Lupron, and then the injection of Gonal. Makes it so much easier to just do one shot over and be done with it.
These are videos from Youtube if you're interested in seeing and understanding just how this all works. Where as this woman has 2 viales of Menopur I am on one, and while she is only mixing the menopur I mix the Menopur, inject my dosage of the Gonal Pen, and my Lupron into the Menopur viale so it's only one injection I have to do.
Video One
Beginning the mixing of the Menopur

http://youtube.com/watch?v=8AKsUx4PtT0
More Mixing

http://youtube.com/watch?v=UBQyYmW5uqo

Giving the actual injection everything from here on out is just how I have to do it
http://youtube.com/watch?v=ElnkX7Xnayc

This is the Gonal F Pen and how it works again I just inject my dosage into the viale of Menopur and Lupron

http://youtube.com/watch?v=fADyj_nLKqs

So this is my daily life for the next week or so......
We'll keep updating as we go along!

Our IVF Meds arrived

IVF is officially underway .....
Well it's finally here our IVF cycle is underway. Just look at this box of meds we got today!! A/K/A "Baby In A Box"

The medications to the far right of this pic got cut out. I took this while taking "inventory" of our order to be sure all was received.

So, Yeah holy snikey medications!! All injections, and some pills, and patches. This is not going to be a fun couple of weeks. I apologize in advance to my poor husband who is most likely going to have to deal with a hormonal wife for the next few weeks! I love you baby, and I am so sorry! Anywho, I start this "Box 'O Fun" tommorrow and will continue all the way thru the end of the month until after Egg Retrevial and Embryo Transfer time. I'll keep ya'll updated as we go along! Wish me luck giving myself my first injection tommorrow! Yikes!!

IVF # 1

We are finally gearing up for IVF 1 =0) I am currently scheduled for egg retreival and transfer for the last week of August =0). Aug 16th thru Sept 1st. I go to my Nursing class next Friday the 27th, and start meds and stimming the 2nd week of August. It will of course be more real once it's here. My Dr wanted me to shed some lbs and has of right now I am down a grand total of 16.5 lbs. The sad part is I didn't even really try, just cut back on sugars, caffeines, and eating all lower fat due to another medical reason for the past week or so. So there is a new ticker in my bio...to help ya'll keep track. So for right now I guess we need prayers that our little embies grow after retrevial, and sticky baby dust after transfer. Thanks again everyone for the huge outpouring of support. While some think this is a private matter, I am ok with sharing, as there are so many dealing with the same issues, and one of the things that has kept me going and has given me strength is by sharing my story as well. Looking to offer the same support to others... We'll update soon, and we can't wait to share of BFP (Big Fat Positive) when we get it!!

Post Op Appointment

Just got back a little while ago from my post op appt. Dr. explained to me the pictures that we were given from surgery, and can I just say no WONDER why we would have never gotten pg on our own! She showed me how bad my tubes were, and what a normal one looks like. My tubes didn't even look like tubes that is how swollen and blocked they were! Basically she said the end of the tube should be like a flower almost open and clear..then ends of mine looked like the end of a sausage...round at the ends with no opening (sorry if that is too much for some of you). So anyway, she said we should be just fine for an IVF in July! I am so excited I was dreading thinking we would have to wait until September with having to the overview class, consents, and nursning class for injectables. We go June 13th for the Class and then the 15th for the rest, and a few days after I should get AF, and I start BCP, LUPRON, & then STIMS, and then we should be able to do the Egg Retreival, and Egg Transfer in July...so excited..I could be pregnant a month and a half from now!!! Sorry just had to share in our good news today..thanks for reading!!!

Hey everyone, just wanted to take a quick few minutes and let everyone know I am home and doing ok. For those of you that cared so much to call, and send cards, and even send an email thank you so much, it mean alot to Bob andI!!!! I owe the biggest thanks to my Husband who was an absolute life saver, and took such good care of me! He loves his wife, and he shows it in whatever he does!!!

Surgery was a sucess, both tubes were completely removed, but recovery was not fun. They admitted me after surgery, and as of Friday they were unsure if I would stay or go home, but after being given a pain medicine that actually worked, and helped me sleep our Dr. allowed us to go home on Friday late afternoon. Thanks to Ally and Sean for coming to visit me, and help us out! Saturday was another bad day the nausea patch I was given fell off in the shower, and I was really sick to my stomach. Poor Bob had to drive to Latham NY to fill a script to help settle my stomach, this is exactly why all hospitals should be required to fill emergecny scripts with Dr. phone call approval only! It was so frusterating for us both more than anything I felt bad for Bob that he had to drive 3 hrs round trip for a medicine that the hospital should have been easily able to fill with no problem....but nope it would have required us to go the ER sit for 4 hours in pain in their waiting room just to sit in the ER for another 4...it's crazy if you ask me. Yesturday felt ok, today feeling any better. Obviously I can't go doing strenous things, or heavy lifting until after our Post Op Appt, but I am planning on trying to go back to work tommorrow.
After this we will be attending an IVF Oveview class at Baystate, we'll meet with the Dr. to sign consent forms, and then hopefully we'll do IVF in July, if not then we have to wait until September as the center doesn't do IVF's in August. I'll write more when I can right now I am gonna take a cat nap, and thanks again to those of you who called, and sent me myspace messages, and cards! Really shows who is caring enough to send thoughts, prayers, and get well wishes!

It all comes to a screeching halt!

Well, we've hit a roadblock with our journey. I had my HSG done on April 23rd. That is a test done at the hospital where a contrast dye is injected into the cervix, and the dye shows if there is any blockage in the Fallopian tubes, and in some cases fibroids.
The test showed that both of my tubes are blocked, and need to be removed.....it's a very sad decision, but we do have hopes that IVF will work after the surgery. I know so many of you are rooting for us, and I just wanted to keep those that are in the know aware of where we are in this long emotional roller coaster ride. Thanks again everyone for your well wishes, thoughts, and prayers

Our Journey Begins

Well today was our Reproductive Endorine appt...It's been a long day and I am mentally exhausted...information overhaul...well here's the scoop. Good and Bad news...I have been diagnosed with PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrom) long with the Endometriosis, the ultrasound done today confirmed the PCOS. What is PCOS...you ask well...
Some basics
Is also known as Stein-Leventhal Syndrome or Polycystic Ovary Disease (PCOD).
Affects an estimated 6-10% of all women and most don't even know they have it.
Is treatable, but not curable, by medications, changes in diet and exercise.
Is one of the leading causes of infertility in women.
Has been identified for 75 years and they still aren't sure what causes it.
Affects far more than just reproduction.
IT IS NOT just a cosmetic problem.
When ovaries become polycystic they create a lot of follicles that form like a pearl necklace on the ovaries. No one follicle becomes dominant and ovulation can't occur. For the most part, these multiple ovarian cysts are not dangerous in themselves—unlike larger ovarian cysts that cause pain and can rupture. But they do bring with them a range of uncomfortable side effects. Because a woman with PCOS doesn't ovulate, her natural sequence of hormonal events gets interrupted, her levels of estrogen and androgens (testosterone and DHEA) remain high, and her body reacts with symptoms


What a Polycystic Ovary looks like:










The many cysts in a polycystic ovary are follicles that have matured but, due to abnormal hormone levels, were never released. In a normal ovary, a single egg develops and is released each month. We are scheduled to begin treatment with my next period.Due to my cycles being so out of wack we will have my wait until next Thursday to see if I get AF . If I do not I will begin a round of Provera. Once AF arrives on CD 3 I will go in baseline my blood work done and start clomid. CD 12 I will go in for Ultraounds to determine the follicular growth, I will be given Oridrel or Novarel, the HCG Trigger that same day. On CD 7-11 I will have an HSG done, and an IUI procedure set up, depending on exactly when I am ovulating.

Due to having the Endo and the PCOS we have opted for more agressive treatment, which our insurance will cover. Usually, one has to do 6 months of strict clomid and trying on your own, however women with PCOS and Endo may seek going right into IUI with Trigger. So that is the scoop. We will keep everyone updated....as time goes on...Thanks for all of your well wishes and prayers!